Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  July 29, 2011 1:00pm-1:30pm PDT

1:00 pm
"brian song" or "300" or "rocky" or "rocky 2" or "rocky 3" or really any of the "rockies" you went with the boston bank rubbers in nun costumes clip. >> well, there is going to be good. (laughter) let's see the clip-- (cheers and applause) >> that the republicans used, let's see the clip that the republicans used to urge their hard line tea party freshman coalition to drop their objections to john boehner's debt ceiling plan and vote with their more establishment republican brethren. >> i need your help. i can't tell you what it is. you can never ask me about it later. and we're going to hurt some people. >> which car are we going to take? (laughter)
1:01 pm
(applause) >> jon: let me see if i understand this metaphor. the establishment republicans are saying to the tea party upstarts hey, you know the violent, unstable borderline socio path from "the town" who's useful in a pinch but whose suicidal single minded mania will ultimately be his downfall? that's you guys. (laughter) and the guy who is stuck in an uneasy alliance with you but doesn't really like you and ultimately saves himself by walking away from you as you are dying, that's us. (laughter) so do we have your vote? (laughter) i'm going to assume most of the tea party coalition has not seen the whole movie. >> allen west liked what he
1:02 pm
heard. >> so i got up and told the speaker i will drive the car. (laughter) quick, robin, to the bat [bleep] mobile. still, if nothing else, the democratic response to the republican's use of that clip from the movie "the town" did lead to one of my favorite recent moments in cable news. i give you chuck schumer maschugana movie breakdown. >> in the scene they inspire their house freshman, one of the crooks gives a pep talk to the other, right before they both put on hockey masks, bludgeon two men with sticks, and shoot a man in the leg. (laughter) >> jon: all talking in a ridiculous boston accent. (laughter) (cheers and applause)
1:03 pm
join us next week when i, chuck schumer, review the sci-fi classic "the star wars" >> an asthmatic man dressed in black plastic cuts the arm off of the boy wearing pajamas with some type of a glow stick. (laughter) and here's the part you won't believe. the man in the suit is the boy's father. (cheers and applause) that must be the worst dvd feature extra ever. now with the standoff in our nation's capitol over the debt ceiling showing us
1:04 pm
nothing but bitter stalemate, it's easy to forget that it was just one year ago that washington actually got something done, the dodd frank act, a complete overhaul of the regulations governing our financial system intended to ensure that we would never again suffer another 2008-style meltdown. >> these reforms represent the strongest consumer financial protections in history. and these protections will be enforced by a new consumer watchdog with just one job, looking out for people, not big banks, not lenders, not investment houses, looking out for people-- . >> jon: what, wait, who? who are we looking out for before? (laughter) anyway, the dodd frank act is now one year old. and here to discuss the effect it's having in reforming a damaged financial system, we're very lucky to have with us tonight, hr 4127-- 4173. the dodd frank act, everybody.
1:05 pm
(cheers and applause) ♪ i'm alone ♪ a 2000 page long ♪ congress passed me without voicing ♪ ♪ i make sure wall street plays by the new regulation ♪ ♪ protecting your investments across the nation ♪ ♪-- . >> jon: hang on there just one second. >> what. >> jon: i'm sorry dodd frank. >> uh-huh. >> jon: what the hell happened to you? >> what dow mean? >> jon: i don't want to say it but you look like [bleep]. >> oh, easy, washington's a tough town, jon. since getting passed yeah i've taken a few shots but i'm still standing. yes, yes, yes, i'm still standing. i'm still here. (cheers and applause) >> in fact, just last week my all new consumer financial protection board opened for business. as soon as it gets a director we'll be off to the races. >> jon: so wait, there's no
1:06 pm
director? >> no, not just yet. >> jon: it's been a year. >> come on. >> jon: what about elizabeth warner, wasn't she supposed to be the director, what happened there? ♪ confirmation in the senate ♪ ♪ there's no motion ♪-- to give her the job without her vote ♪ ♪ but he didn't do ♪ because his feeling weren't that strong ♪ ♪. >> jon: wow, yeah. (cheers and applause) >> but you know what, jon t doesn't matter. i've still got 400 tough new rules to fix our broken and corrupt financial system. >> jon: how are those new 400 rules working? >>. >> they're working great. the ones that are written are working great. >> jon: the ones that are-- how many of the 400 new rules have been written? ♪ 38, it's a magic number ♪ yes it is ♪ it's a magic number
1:07 pm
♪ it might not be 400 or 150 or 77 ♪ ♪ but it's 38 ♪ and that's a magic number ♪ ♪ let's do this. red sox pitcher curt schilling ♪ ♪ l.a. clippers forward dave wilkinson. tail back richie wore 38 ♪ ♪ it's a magic number ♪ whoa, whoa. >> jon: i'm sorry, 38 is a magic number because dale wilkinson makes it a magic number. >> yeah, you've heard of dale wilkinson. >> jon: no, i have not, the clippers guy until you mentioned him right now. >> you just had to take my word for him he definitely exists. >> jon: why weren't the rules written, jon? ♪ lobby, lobby, lobby ♪ get your access here ♪ lobby, lobby, lobby ♪ lobby, lobby ♪ stop it, stop t stop it. i can't do this. blaming lobbyists is a cop out, jon. here is what is going down. this whole financial reform thing is a sham!
1:08 pm
the only way congress would pass me is if the details in my rules and regulations were left unspecified giving lobbyists all the time they would need to water me down post passage. and you know what, exactly, boo, exactly. >> boo! >> thank you, boys and girls, thank you. and do you know what, if any actual tough rule managed to squeeze through, congress people cut the budget of the agency responsible for enforcing it. the whole thing is a giant punt. i'm no law. i'm no law, jon. i'm just an undefined, impotent 20-- 2,300 piece of legislative [bleep]. you see this? you see this here, jon? i stole this off the voting rights act of 1965. (cheers and applause) >> jon: i'm sorry. >> this is isn't even mine. >> jon: hi no idea, law. i had no idea, dodd frank, that you have been through some of. >> you don't know what you're talking about. you haven't seen the things
1:09 pm
i've seen. >> jon: i know. >> ♪ i'm just a law ♪ but my ass [bleep] and my balls put through a circular saw ♪ ♪ and every one ♪ who swore up and down to support me ♪ ♪ now they walk ♪ late term abort me ♪ last night i got hit by a car ♪ ♪ it's gone too far ♪ for this law ♪ did you i mention my ass was at [bleep] ♪
1:10 pm
1:11 pm
so, what are we going to do with this? i don't know. the usual? [ blower whirring ] sometimes it pays to switch things up. my - what, my hair? no. car insurance. i switched to progressive and they gave me discounts
1:12 pm
for the time i spent with my old company. saved a bunch. that's a reason to switch. big savings -- it's a good look for you. [ blower whirring ] [blower stops] the safety was off. out there with a better way. now, that's progressive. >> jon: welcome back to the show. earlier tonight we saw how the dodd frank bill has been somewhat deballed by a combination of legislative cowardist and shenanigans. those aren't the only two ways to submarine things. >> a bill has been reached in the senate to pass a 9/11 health-care bill. the legislation would provide free medical care for first responders who are suffering health problems after working at ground zero. >> jon: it took nine years of committed legislators working tirelessly with first responder advocates, some of them sadly passing away before the bill's signing to bring much needed relief to those who gave so
1:13 pm
much down at ground zero. funny story. (laughter) >> jon: as it turns out, as part of a political compromise, to get bill-passed, the bill does not cover cancer treatments. which brings us to our new segment, i thought we already took care of this [bleep]. how did we not include cancer? the bill does cover coughing, laryngitis and carpal tunnel syndrome but not cancer. you get scurvy no problemo. these limes are on us. but the one disease that you seem to disproportionately be getting, yeah, we can't help you there. is this going to be fixed? >> the administrator said they will continue to do periodic reviews for cancer as new research and findings are released. >> the link between 9/11 and the cancers then they will be covered by the fund. >> jon: prove the link. sir, clearly you have
1:14 pm
cancer. and clearly you spent time sifting through carcinogens in search of your own loved ones and colleagues and the colleagues of oned ones and years but how do i know your cancer isn't from-- if you just give me 20 years i think we'll be able to have some statistics about that. you know what, i have an idea about this. who gives a [bleep] the worst-case scenario here-- (cheers and applause) >> jon: the worst case, the worst case, the worst-case scenario here is we accidentally treated a 9/11 responder's cancer even though his cancer may not be proven to have its genesis on 9/11. how about everyone who worked down there on file gets a pass on the exact origin of their personal tumors. so if you are someone who spent time on the pile, i don't care if you ate 200 sweet & lo packets sprinkle on your favorite cereal tumoros while areaing a cell
1:15 pm
phone suit and smoking chernobyl lights unfiltered while making your favorite snack, agent orange julius, you get cancer, we cover it. (cheers and applause) we'll be right back.
1:16 pm
1:17 pm
1:18 pm
>> jon: my guest tonight, he is a former ambassador and u.s. special envoy to afghanistan. his new book is called the wars of afghanistan.
1:19 pm
please welcome to the problem peter tomsen. have a seat. >> thank you. >> jon: my first question to you is simply this. really? (laughter) really? >> it's pretty big. >> jon: really? >> yeah (laughter) don't drop it on your toe. >> jon: let me ask you this, volume 2, what period of wars does this cover and how much of the amazon is now gone? (laughter) what period of wars are we dealing with her. >> actually it's six, two in the 19th century, one in the early 20th century, and the rest with the soviet
1:20 pm
invasion and afterwards. >> jon: starting in '79. >> right. >> jon: what is so alluringly invadable about-- (laughter) >> jon: afghanistan because everyone seems to want to do it they don't have oil. they don't appear to have mineral wealth, although i think they've recently discovered that. they appear to just have a tightly knit group of tribes who don't care for being invaded. >> exactly. and in our case we called it an intervention. some call it an invasion. the big, the most important reason is that afghanistan is the highland of your asia. if you get control of the highland, speaking about the outer ring of great powers, then you have advantage over your neighbors and over your opponents. >> jon: back when boiling oil was the main weapon. but-- (laughter) >> jon: does really being above your enemies in 29 1st century, do we really think i'm above pakistan, i win,
1:21 pm
you know. is that still really strategically so vital? >> i think it is. and you also deny it to your other enemies. i mean if you can control the highland or you control afghanistan, then you can make it unavailable to other enemies. and the case of pakistan, they wanted to control the highland in order to export islamic extremism around the world. >> jon: can't dow that on a flat surface? >> no i think you need mountains, you need caves, you need places to hide. >> jon: if pakistan-- now we had the former president of pakistan on and he assured me they knew nothing about any of this. so i don't know if in your research you came across anything on that. but pakistan is, could he be telling the truth that pakistan was unaware of this. are they playing a conscious double game? is there a group within pakistan that's subverting a larger group in pakistan.
1:22 pm
what's happening? >>. >> i think it's coming from the pakistani army which actually dominates the state of pakistan. that's been true since they hanged the prime minister in 1977 and took over either directly during the dictato dictatorships or through civilian governments, none of which served out their term, up until now. the military has dominated afghanistan. and it's the military through the isi which is as president mush ar av said, isi follows orders, part of the command structure and they do what the chief of the army staff ie president musharraf, when he was army chief of staff and dictator, tell them to do. so it's not rogue outfits within the intelligence organization, it's actually a policy, a strategy of the-- . >> jon: what is the advantage of that. when you say export extremist into afghanistan what is their strategic advantage because it doesn't seem like something that is easily controllable and it
1:23 pm
gets it that area invaded. >> actually, actually there's-- there's two areas of advantage. one the domestic in pakistan. the military is able to keep control of the pakistani state and keep the secular democratic parties out of power. the second is to keep a large military budget. the military since they took over has gobbled up over 50% of the military of the total budget. that meant education and everything else has gone downhill. and finally there is-- . >> jon: sorry, you said two. you said two. >> oh, sorry. >> jon: you can't-- no, two. >> i'm from the state department. >> jon: what is the third. >> i'm from the state department. >> jon: all right. >> the third one is actually it's four-- (laughter) >> jon: you can give me fou four-- bureaucracy let's have four. >> well, offensive and defensive. defensive to build defensive
1:24 pm
sort of depth against india, hindu india, islamic extremists defensive depth. and offensive in terms of sort of sowing the seeds of global terrorism with people like osama bin laden who was protected by the military. >> jon: but is this the grand bargain saudi arabia had made and found out did not work that well for them, which is if we try and console the militants and give them certain things that they want as a grand bargain to keep away from us, is that what this is an attempt to do or is it that they also believe in the same goals? >> they all believe in the same goals but they don't, they turn against their masters. it's like snakes. you can't train snakes whom not to bite. and the snakes started biting saudi arabia and the bombs started going off in saudi arabia. and the monarchy didn't like that because they wanted to stay in power. now the pakistani taliban who in the eyes of pakistan
1:25 pm
are are the bad -- extremists, they have turned against the pakistani state. >> jon: so there are even a spectrum even within the extremist world. >> jakes. >> yeah jrz i think we all know how dangerous they can be. the wars of afghanistan. it's on book shelves now. or you can just make it into a book shelf. it peter tomsen.
1:26 pm
1:27 pm
1:28 pm
>> that's our show. join us next week. let's do it at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> a lot of what you are talking about is about act 2 america. we asked for-- -- picked that up one and it made a -- >> captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh
1:29 pm
captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: wow, welcome to the report. thank you so much! i got to tell you-- (cheers and applause) i tell you, folks, i-- i love that so much. i could hear it twice a night. nation, the debt ceiling debate drags on and on and frankly both parties have been acting like children. with the republicans saying gimme,im